Musicfreesme's Journals

Thoughts on my mind.

Escaping reality. It's what I crave. I don't know about other people, but escaping reality is an amazing feeling. That's why I love music and movies so much. Movies take your attention away from reality and music is just soothing and therapeutic in general. My biggest fear is death, getting older, or even growing up. It may sound immature, but it's true. I love to live in the present, not the past or future. Yeah, I love to talk about memories from the past, but I purposely try to only remember the good ones that made me happy. Sometimes I focus on the bad ones too much, so I've learned to just try and clear my brain from that. I think being happy is what everybody truly wants. Everybody wants to be with and talk to people who make them happy. Everybody wants to find entertainment that makes them happy. It's what our minds are set on. I could be wrong about this, but it just seems to kind of make sense.

I have pretty good control over my emotions, it's weird. I am able to make myself in a great mood, all I have to do is think about all the things that have made me smile and think about how grateful I am of everything. Although, I'm also able to make myself pretty upset. I think about things that have happened and said to me and I think too much into them. But when that happens, I prevent it from staying like that by thinking about the things that make me happy. Same goes with getting angry. I would to talk to somebody who can relate and understand what I'm saying. Actually, they don't even have to relate. I would just like to hear their opinion and thoughts about what I'm saying and what they think about it.

I'm in a ranting mood. I think my biggest pet peeves is hypocrites, conceited people, and people who always think they're always right. The worst kind of person is when they're all of those. Hypocrites annoy the hell out of me. They have the nerve to do things and say things that they hate but then do it themselves? And conceited people- people who think they're beautiful, flawless, and just plain perfect physically and mentally. Being conceited is a HUGE flaw in general! if you think you have no flaws at all than that makes It so much worse. How can somebody think that they're perfect and have nothing wrong with them? And when people think they're always right bugs the crap out of me. YOURE NOT ALWAYS GOING TO BE RIGHT, STOP BEING IGNORANT AND REALIZE IT. When you put all this together you get a person who thinks they are perfect and have no flaws so they pick out other peoples flaws and look down on them or talk bad about them. And sometimes they do the flaws themselves but they don't think they do because they think they're perfect and always right. Then if somebody tries to correct them about it they will argue and freak out. They'll be like "YOU DO THIS AND ITS ANNOYING/STUPID, BUT I DON'T DO IT." When in reality they do it sometimes too! I admit im not perfect and I need to work on things, why cant they stop being so damn ignorant and realize they do certain flaws too? This has to be my hugest pet peeve.

I guess im just one of those people who are completely opposite of conceited. I always think I have tons of flaws that I need to fix and I honestly don't think im pretty at all. If im ever hypocritical, I usually don't mean to do it and I usually catch myself doing it. Im one of those people who put themselves in other peoples shoes and I think that's why im so understanding. I don't like conflict. I think that's why I admit that I might be wrong a lot of the time is because sometimes I know I might be. I do admit I think im right a lot at first, but then I get really deep in thought about it and eventually realize im not always right and I could be wrong. I just hate how I have days where im like "why do I have so many flaws? Whats wrong with me?" and also days when Im like "wow, im really ugly." I do have days where Im like "you know, compared to a lot of girls im different. Im not dramatic and im pretty laid back. Im not slutty and Im understanding in situations."

Good things:

Im laid back

Im understanding

I like to resolve things in a fair way

Im not conceited

Im nice

I appreciate things

Im not slutty

Bad things:

I need to think before I talk

Things I say come out wrong

I get too much into my head

I forgive but I never forget and always end up going back and thinking about things

I hate how things I say come out wrong. I think about them fine and it makes complete sense but when I try to explain it, it comes out bad. Im pretty intelligent and can get very deep, I just want to talk to the right people about things. Some people I know only joke around, and that's okay. Sure, it's going to get in the way of a lot of things in their life, but for the moment it's fine. I joke around with them and it's fun and great for a good laugh. But I'm not always in the mood to be cracking up. Sure, a lot of the times I'm always in a mood to laugh and smile. But sometimes I just want to have deep conversations with somebody who will talk back and understand and react. They don't even have to agree with me, I would love to hear what they have to say and their look on things or what they think about what I'm saying.

Don't you just wish when you have thoughts and rants like these, that you could talk to somebody who would completely understand and know where you're coming from? That's what I really want. For somebody to know how I feel and can relate to me and talk back or agree with me about things. Even if they disagree with me on some things, I would love to hear why.

You know what is amusing? Slutty girls. It's actually pretty sad how they have to lower themselves to get horny guys to like them. Do you really need that much attention that you have to show off your boobs and skin all the time? Sure, acting easy will get you attention from guys. But it isn't always going to be the good kind. If you act like that, guys are just going to look at you as some easy girl they might be able to use. Is that really how you want to be treated? Get some respect for yourselves and maybe you'll get respect back.

If your stomach is weak then my work here is done.

Wow, so i haven't been on in FOREVER. seriously. its insane.

im not the happiest right now. but whatever. ill just blog about it. certain things cheer me up: blasting music to drown out my thoughts, taking walks, and excersizing.

So my best friend just stabbed me in the back by talking a bunch of shit about me to my other friend. and we've been best friends since i was 3. the things were so mean that they said. and the funny thing is, i didnt do anything to them. we weren't in a fight or anything, they just decided to talk tons of shit about me for days. sometimes i wonder why this happens to me when all i do is be nice to people and don't start drama.

so the only person i trust is my best friend/sister, Leah.

and i just found out a bunch of my friends aren't going to my high school next year so im going to have to make all new friends. Uhg, i hope ninth grade year is fun.

wow, it feels good to vent even though i doubt anybody is reading this.

i think i might start reading fanfics again? they help you escape reality.

im gonna stop complaining because i should appreciate my life because at least im not dieing or anything. some people have it way worse then me.

anybody have fanfics they want me to read ?

Songs that cheer me up :D

Tagged by: xphoebeatthediscox

The Challenge: List 12 songs that cheer you up.

The Rules: Tag 8 people, then they have to tag 8 aswell

1. The World Has Its Sines (but i would drop it on a dime) - Cobra Starship.

2. Franklin - Paramore

3. Kelsey - Metro Station

4. The Only Difference... - Panic At The Disco

5. Taste OF Ink - -The Used

6. A Walk Through Hell - Say Anything

7. SkyWay Avenue - We The Kings

8. Hold The Door - Armor For Sleep

9. Voices - Saosin

10. Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

11. Hero/Heroine - Boys Like Girls

12. Pace Yourself - The Higher

My Tags: crashluvr, yuvalush, tara455, bden, brennybearlove, xtrustlovehopex, bemyescape, shadydevi

Going to Max Green's house and meeting him!

So today was amazing! I got to go to Max Green's [bassist of escape the fate if u didn't know] house. He was extremely sweet and funny! And probably the most down to earth guy i've ever met in a band. Okay, hmm, where to start haha.

So I got Max's number from myspace not too long ago because he has extra merch from their tour he needs to sell. And I decided to text him. He texted back, and after a short convo he asked if i wanted any shirts or something. So I said ya. :D

Okay blah blah blah he gave me his address since he lives in vegas too. And today me, Leah, and kiersten went to his house!

When we got their I called him and he came outside. He looked really different, he had no eye liner on, had glasses on, and his hair looked lighter. He still looked amazing though, lmao. He said hi and everything and let us in. He was only like an inch taller than me, he was really short! haha. Their was a guy and a girl in his living room. And they like cussed and he said "Don't cuss around my friends!" It was funny. x] So even though his house smelled like smoke, it was really nice. He said he just moved in. But ya, he led us into a room with all the shirts and hoodies. He said it was Ronnie's old room. :/ Each of us got a shirt. I touched a shirt to see if it was my size. And he was like "Hey hands off the merch!" I was like "OH SHIT!" and like jerked back, but he said he was just kidding. x]

After talking with him, we took pictures. I look horrible in mine, but Max looks good. xD [ill put the pics up later] But when we were taking pictures, his friend like ran over and was like "OO OO OO!" And posed, kissing Max's cheek. We took a picture and it came out hilarious. xD Max is like acting all girlish, making a face while he's kissing his cheek. xD

So overall it was like a dream! Haha. We couldn't believe we were actually in his house with him!

Poll.

Please vote on it. :]

Its really important to me and my friend.

Attention Attention, may I have all your eyes and ears?

haha. x] Well me and Leah made an account together cause were writing a fanfic together

ADD US: http://vampxdria.buzznet.com/user/

Just sit back and relax part 20

Oh my god i know its been like a month since I wrote a new part to this fanfic, and im so so so sorry! I really am. Thanks you to everybody who is sticking with me and this story, and still reading it!

Christina- your going to be in the next part ALOT.

Taras POV

"Why the hell are you texting Jac?!" I yelled.

"Keep it down!" He said grabbing the phone back.

"Oh, you're just unbelievable. Texting Ryan's ex, who everybody on this tour hates! And now you want to keep it a secret. What are you banging her behind Christina's back?!" I screamed.

"N-no, its just. Nothing. Okay, ya we've been keeping in contact-"

"Does anyone know?" I interrupted him.

"No" He mumbled.

I quickly grabbed his phone.

"Tara stop!"

I looked through his texted from her. Most of them she used the word "babe" and "hun."

"Why is she using words like "baby" to you then?!" I asked as he grabbed the phone back.

"Are you going to tell Christina?"

"Look, me and Jac aren't together! Okay? Stop acting like we are. I admit she seems to be flirting with me, but I'm with Christina. And I want to stay with her. She's amazing." Pete smiled to himself.

I got up and stormed out of the bunk area in frustration. How could he be texting her?!

I walked into the lounge and crashed on the couch next to Brendon.

"Hey, what's up? You look confused?" Brendon asked.

I wanted to tell him, but something stopped me. Maybe there is a reason Pete would be keeping in contact with Jac? But how could there be a reason?

"No, I'm just..tired. Today's show gave me a huge headache from jumping and headbanging on stage." I chuckled. "I'm going to go get some rest for tomorrow. We'll be going to the venue earlier I heard."

"Okay, night." He said. I gave him a quick hug and kiss and went into the bunk area. I passed Spencer, Jon, and Ryan sleeping in there bunks. Then I saw Pete laying down in his bunk. I felt his eyes on me, but I ignored him and layed down. I shut the curtain and got in a comfortable position. I heard Pete get up and walk away.

He started talking to Brendon from the lounge area. "Im probably going to have to head back to Chicago soon to start recording a new album with Patrick, Andy, and Joe. As much as I love joining you guys on tour." I heard Pete say.

I put my hands on my forhead and closed my eyes. As much as I was mad at him for talking to Jac and letting her flirt with him, I still wanted him to stay on tour. I started to get sleepy and let my thoughts go away as I fell asleep.

*Next Morning*

I jumped out of the bus with Brendon, but we jumped at the same time and fell on the concrete. I laughed as he was crushing my legs trying to get up. We were laughing, trying to stand up but kept falling. I saw Jake, Joey, and Bryce coming my way, jumping off our bus. I finally managed to get up with Brendon.

"How dare you spend the night on Panic's bus!" Bryce yelled at me jokingly.

"Im sorry the hot pocket I made for you didn't heat up all the way, but you didn't have to leave for another bus!" Bryce pretended to cry.

Me and Brendon laughed.

"Were in Phoenix, Arizona." Joey said.

"We have to go to the venue come on!" I smiled, running to the direction of the venue that was far away.

"Your not even ready! And nobody else is." Joey yelled while I was running. I stopped running and realized I was in yesterdays clothes with my hair messed up. I ran back.

"So is Leah and William still not talking?" I asked out of breath.

"Ya, William is trying to explain to Leah that he tried to tell her, and he really didn't want to. But she never listens." Bryce explained.

"Hm.." Was all I could say. I should talk to Leah.

"TARAAA!" I heard Kiersten scream and we ran up to eachother and body slammed.

"Jeez, a whole night without you was horrible!" Kiersten said over-dramaticlly.

Everybody headed to the Venue. Leah was talking to Sisky and Pete. So me and Kiersten looked at each other and nodded. We discussed earlier that we would help William get Leah back with telling him what to say and when to say it. Everybody walked backstage, but me and Kiersten stopped William.

"Whats up guys?" William asked.

"Listen, were going to help you get Leah back." I grinned. Kiersten nodded the smiled with me.

William smiled. "Okay, how? I tried yesterday, she won't even let me talk to her."

"We know, that's why we're here. We know Leah way better the anyone. So this is what your going to say when you walk up to her..."

Me and Kiersten told him what to say. William nodded and we told him what to do if she walks away. He was finally prepared and we walked into the venue.

We walked into one of the dressing rooms, and there was Leah! But she was talking to someone with black hair..

"Ben?" William asked shocked.

They looked over, then Leah turned back to him.

"I can't wait!" Leah yelled happily, hugging him.

Keep drawing on that fake smile ~chapter 4~

Im probably going to update on "just sit back and relax" soon. Sorry for the wait. Well I hope u like this chapter :]

Tamaras POV

"Oh so a party just popped out of nowhere?" I said sarcasticlly, referring to all the people, loud music, and huge mess. There were even jocks and preps there. Which me, Spencer, and Ryan hate. I wasn't necessarily mad. Im just really not in the mood for a party.

"We invited a few friends over, and I guess to people a "few friends" means a hundred. So they invited people who invited people who invited people, well it just goes on. So everybody ended up coming." Ryan explained, he didn't seem to thrilled either. But then again he was smiling. I knew he really did. Him and Spencer always wanted to throw a party.

"Hey Tamara, your here!" Spencer said walking over.

I turned to Spencer, then Ryan, then grunted and walked upstairs into Ryans room.

I turned on the light, and shut the door. I walked over and sat on his bed. I sat there for a few minutes in silence, then looked over at his acoustic guitar, smiling to myself. I picked it up and gently placed it on my lap. I started playing "The Ghost of You" by My Chemical Romance.

I was thirsty, so I decided to go downstairs and get a drink, avoiding everyone.

Once I got to the fridge, I grabbed a soda and headed upstairs. I stopped half way up the stairs and looked back. Oh my god, its that one kid from school, and guitar center. Why is he here? And why am I seeing him everywhere.

I turned around and went up to Spencer and Ryan, who were taling to some guys.

"Hey, I new you would come down sometime." Spencer smiled.

"I came down for a drink. Well anyways why is that kid here?" I said pointing to him.

They shrugged.

"His friend probably invited him here or something." Ryan said still looking at him. "Why, you know him?"

"Uhh no not really. He was just in the class with me when I had to stay in for lunch. And I saw him at guitar center."

"Whats his name?" Spencer asked.

"Im not sure" I shrugged. "Well im going upstairs, bye." I smiled.

"What? Why? Why don't you stay down here and have fun." Ryan asked.

"Its loud and obnoxious down here. I much rather be in your room listening to music and playing guitar." I smiled again and went upstairs.

I walked into the room and shut the door. It was quiet, and you could barilly hear the music downstairs. I picked the guiat back up, once again. I went back to playing The ghost of You, from where I took off.

I kept playing, with my eyes closed. For some reason I like playing guitar with my eyes closed. I knew this cover by heart.

I heard someone knock the door. I figured it was probaly Ryan or Spencer trying to get me to come down. I continued playing, but the person knocked again.

"I told you im not going downstairs, im staying up here!" I yelled.

The door opened. And my eyes widened a little, realizing it was that one kid.

"Oh sorry! I thought you were Ryan or Spencer." I said quickly.

He laughed a little, still standing in the doorway.

"No its fine. I didn't mean to walk in on you. I just heard someone playing guitar when I walked up here. I wanted to know who it was." He said.

"Oooh." I laughed. "You heard me?"

"Ya, I didn't really want to stay downstairs, so I came up here."

We sat there for a seconds in silence. Then I realized I don't know his name.

"Whats you name?" I blurted out.

He looked at me. "Brendon."

"Im Tamara."

"Ya, I remember your binder said that, when we were in class."

"Oh right." I said setting the guitar to my side. He walked over and sat on the other side of the bed.

"So you play guitar?" He asked. I nodded.

"Me too." He said.

"Oh really? What kinda guitar do you have?" I asked

"I have an acoustic, then a fender electric guitar." He said.

I smiled. "I love fenders!"

"Ya me too. What kind of guitars do you have?"

"Well, I don't have one. I just use Ryans to play on and stuff, my parents would never ever get me one. And I don't have enough money."

"Oh. Im sorry."

I laughed. "Its okay. I spend all my time at Ryans, so I guess this is my guitar too."

"Oh, so your Ryans girlfriend?"

"Oh hell no!"

He laughed.

"Im his best friend. Him, me, and Spencer are all neighbors and best friends."

"Ooooh."

Before I knew it we were talking for hours.

I haven't updated in a week! Im sorry. Arg. I couldn't concentrate at all while writing this part! It was really noisy cause my dad and his friends are drunk downstairs. And there hella loud, and extremely annoying. :| I can only write in quietness. Thats why I write at night cause nobody is up except for me, i like it :] Thanks for everyone who takes the time to read my fanfic and leave comments and buzzes! U guys rock :D

Keep drawing on that fake smile ~chapter 3~

Tamaras POV

The bell finally rang and I got up with relief, finally lunch. As I was walking out the teacher stopped me.

â�œTamara.â� I turned around, how the hell did this teacher know my name?!

â�œWhat?â�

â�œYour teacher left me a note saying to keep you in for lunch.â� He said. â�œYou can sit back in your seat.â�

I sat back down with a thud and rolled my eyes. He walked out with everybody else, except that one kid in front of me with dark brown hair.

I looked at him as he sat there opening up his binder.

It was silent, and I was bored.

â�œWhy are you staying in here?â� I blurted out.

He turned around and looked at me.

â�œI have make-up work Mr. Valencia wanted me to do. So he had me stay in for lunch, or whatever.â� He simply stated.

He seemed nice. A bit shy.

â�œOhh. okay.â� I said.

It got quiet again, while he did his work.

I was extremely bored. So I got up, screw this teacher, im going to lunch.

The guy looked at me, I could tell he knew what I was doing.

I walked out of the room, looking back one more time. He smiled at me. I just smiled back and walked out.

When I entered the lunch room, I looked around for Spencer or Ryan. I spotted them sitting down at a table. I walked over and sat down.

â�œThere you are! Where have you been?â� Ryan asked.

â�œMy teacher kicked me out of the classroom and made me stay for lunch. But I left anyways.â� I smirked.

Ryan and Spencer laughed.

â�œWell my parents are gone for a few days, thank god. We should go over my house.â� Ryan said.

â�œAlright cool.â� I said.

Spencers POV

It felt like days, but school finally ended. I walked out of the classroom to my locker, here Tamara and Ryan were waiting.

"Hey guys." I said.

"Hi." They both replied.

I got my stuff and we walked out of the school, towards Ryan's house.

"Hey, wanna go to guitar center? I lost a pin, and need to get another one." Tamara asked looking up at us, we were taller then her, so she always had to look up at us. It was kind of funny. x]

"Sure, but we can't stay there long, we have to get back to Ryan's house quick." I winked at him.

"For what?" She asked.

"Its a suprise."

"Errrg, I hate suprises! Tell me!" She asked.

Me and Ryan smiled, then shook our heads.

We got to Guitar Center and looked around, Tamara went to go get her pin, and me and Ryan went to go look at the guitars.

Tamaras POV

A guy who works there showed me where the pins were, and I picked one out.

As I was waiting in line, I noticed a farmiliar guy next to me, looking at an acoustic guitar. It was that one kid who was in the room with me. I never got his name. I tried not to look over at him, it was one of those akward things that you avoid. I saw him look over at me in the corner of my eye, I just kept looking forward. I looked over one more time and he was looking at me, we both turned away.

Thank god Ryan and Spencer walked over, saving me from the akwardness.

"I so wanna get that guitar!" Ryan said pointing over to the an acoustic one.

"You already have an electric." I said.

"Ya, but I want an acoustic." He smiled like a cheesy 4 year old.

"Hes gonna save up his money for it." Spencer said.

"You don't have a job though." I said.

"Ill get one, like at the fashion show mall or something."

"Oh cool! Maybe Ill get one too!" I smiled.

Spencer and Ryan laughed at me, like I was some over-happy child.

"Hey, were gonna head back to Ryans, we'll see you there." Spencer said.

"Okay, see ya at Ryan's." I said as they walked out with huge grins. What were they planning?

I bought my pin, and was about to walk out, but I saw a black and red guitar. It caught my eye, not that I could buy it, I didn't have the money. And my parents wouldn't give me any money at all. But I just had to play it.

I walked over and took it off the stand. I strummed it, starting to play a cover of "Never Let You Go" by Third Eyed Blind.

I stopped, and put it back on the stand. I should head over to Ryan's house.

I walked out the store and started walking to Ryans house.

I was almost in his neighborhood, and I heard loud music from afar. I kept walking, and as I was getting closer to his house, the music was getting louder. Either they're blasting music, or something else...

I walked up to the house, and opened the door. I looked around shocked.

Ryan walked over.

"What the hell Ryan?!"

"It wasn't suppose to turn out like this!"

--- so ya, theres chapter 3 :D thanks for anyone whos reading this and leaving comments and buzzes! It makes me happy!! Haha. People have been asking me where I got the title from, and its my own lyrics. ^-^ ---

Meeting panic! at the disco/the cab :D

okay, so i must be the happiest person alive :D well panic! at the disco and the cab were opening up for the grand opening of guitar centers. and me, leah, and kiersten got to meet panic! at the disco, cash [bass player of the cab], and alex [lead vocals of the cab] it was AMAZING! That night was literally the best night in my life. :]

so we got there around 5:30. And got in line to meet and get something signed by panic! at the disco. We were like one of the first people!! While we were waiting Cash came over ot us, and talked to us. :D He was hilarious, and really nice. He also gave me a hug. woo! xD haha. We took pictures with him. And he even took the picture for us. it was funny. he was like "oooh these are one of those "myspace" pictures!" Cash was like the most awesome person ever. :D haha. Then he brang over alex [lead vocals] and alex [keyboardist] to say hi :D we took a picture with them and stuff ^-^ OH! and me, leah, and kiersten just found out that my mom's friend is friends with Cash's mom, and shes close to Cash!! So I messaged The Cab about it on myspace, and Cash replied "ya i love barbie" and stuff :D

While we were waiting in line, the bus next to us had panic! at the disco in it, and Jon and Ryan were waving at us from in it. haha. And soon strippers went on the bus, and it was like..shaking. 0.0 *twitch* thats vegas for you lmao. well anyways. Soon we finally got to meet Panic! at the disco!!! We were like freaking out, lmao. :D I high-fived spencer, and got a picture signed by the whole band. This may sound stupid, but everytime I made eye contact with any of them[especially Brendon], I was like in heaven. haha. And after we we got it signed and stuff, we were behind the rope thingy watching them sign things. Haha Brendon was hyper, he was like dancing and doing funny faces. it was funny :D We could only get one thing signed, but I really wanted my shoe to be signed by brendon. So I had to like beg Zach to give Brendon the shoe to sign. and at first he was like "FUCK NO" then later he said "Maybe" then he said yea and gave Brendon the shoe to sign. :D Then Jon through his pen to me, and I caught it. but the girls next to me were all pissed, cause they almost had it. lmao.

So over all that night was more amazing then words.

Musicfreesme's Journals

Thoughts on my mind.

If your stomach is weak then my work here is done.

Songs that cheer me up :D

Going to Max Green's house and meeting him!

Poll.

Attention Attention, may I have all your eyes and ears?

Just sit back and relax *part 20*

Keep drawing on that fake smile ~chapter 4~

Keep drawing on that fake smile ~chapter 3~

Meeting panic! at the disco/the cab :D

Just sit back and relax part 20